Tuesday, 29 May 2012

I could have qualified last week

I could have qualified last week

So last week the fifth years got the results for the second (and last) part of their finals.  Those who have passed both bits effectively know now that they will be a doctor come August.  This includes a large number of my original year group and some of my closest friends.  For those of you who weren't following last year, I took a year "out" of medicine between my third and fourth year of medicine in order to do an intercalated BSc in Sports Science (as did a large amount of my friends, but a few of the closest did not so we are no longer in the same year group).

Now I don't regret this extra year in the slightest - I had so many incredible experiences last year which I could not have had if I had stayed at my university, only ever studied medicine, and never been a "real" student.  Furthermore I've had experiences this year (I can't talk about these as much as I am very proud of them and they have been a massive part of my year, as linking myself to them would COMPLETELY destroy any sense of anonymity) which I could not have done if I had been in the fifth year and were not an option last year as the society I was part of did not exist then.

However its hard not to feel the slightest tinge of jealousy (and I mean very slightest, and not in a bitter way - I'm unbelievably proud and happy for my friends that all their ridiculous hard work this year has paid off) or slightly weirded out that without this year, I could have passed (or failed..) my finals last week and be starting as a doctor come august. That kinda blows my mind.

I have mixed feelings about whether I would want to be in this position - on the one hand MONEY (I'm honestly not going into medicine to get rich, but the amount of student loan we get at this stage of the course is pitiful and I'm growing weary of counting pennys student style), the knowledge you've done it and the fact that by five  years of uni you are a little weary of the whole thing (however much I honestly love my medical school) and just want to be done.  On the other hand, I'm not sure right now that I am quite ready for the responsibilities of a doctor - not knowledge wise (I definitely don't have that yet!) but emotionally/ situation management wise; perhaps though going through fifth year would have meant I would feel more ready at this stage though.

One of my friends who has just passed is only 22, she will have just turned 23 once she starts, so perhaps although I feel too young at 23 to be qualifying it is not so much age making me feel this but the amount of clinical experiences I am yet to have but will hopefully have been exposed to by the end of fifth year.

I think my overwhelming feeling though is being quite daunted by the prospect of finals and fifth year in general.  From seeing my friends go through it, it looks exhausting. I'm envious of my friends for being past this stage now. Their finals being done now, means my year group are the next to have finals (ignoring retakes). FLiiiiipppping heck.  I still remember walking into my first lecture of first year thinking how long the course was, and scoffing at the lecturers who told us before we knew it we would be coming to the end. And I still have so much knowledge to re-learn after forgetting it all during my intercalated year. Well, one things for sure, next year should be...interesting..!

But above all:
This year this is for my friends, group of absolute geniuses who I know will make incredible and caring doctors (hopefully next year I can do the same with the "halfa" in my blog title!!!)

Halfadoc x


  1. I know the feeling. My class will graduate this June. Me ? 2 years to go, mainly due to bad decisions.Can't see another way to handle the problems at that time. But still it sting. I keep repeating that everything happens for a reason. Plus I really gained alot in those 2 years. Few colleagues made it thier responsability to make me feel inferior. But why ear plugs when you know yourself & circumstances.

    Good luck with the MD. Thank you for sharing:)

  2. Good luck Peace, good on you for sticking with it when many would have given up :) and the two years will fly by :)