Quotes from my first week and a bit as a junior doctor..

Quotes from my first week and a bit as a junior doctor..

Well its been an eventful and exhausting week and a bit as a "proper" junior doctor.  There's so many anecdotes and stories I could tell you about that I don't know which one to focus on, instead I thought I would share a few quotes to give you a flavour of how the week has been.  As ever please remember none of these quotes/descriptions are entirely accurate so if you think you recognise yourself or a relative, you almost certainly don't...  All of these quotes however are versions of things said to me during my first week or so of work.

Patient: You're a doctor?!? I thought you were a work experience student! (this was the response of the second patient I said "I'm one of the doctors" too, the first one simply said I looked to young to be a doctor)

Gentleman that I'm trying to put a cannula in: Don't worry, just have a try. (firstly isn't it my job to tell him not to worry - clearly need to work on calm expressions! Secondly I'd actually got it in by this point and was just sticking it down..)

Consultant: "And this is wrong.... and this is terrible....and this drug needs to be stopped...and why hasn't this been done...." "I'll forgive you this time as your new but.." - None of the aforementioned mistakes were my own management plan, they were the more senior juniors but I get it, prinicipal role of the FY1 doctor is to be the whipping boy for everyone else's errors. 

Lovely senior nurse: Did you write [plan I had scribed but at instructions of FY]?  Mr [above consultant] is on the warpath about [minor mistake by FY2 in plan] but don't worry I told him you weren't on the ward.
Be nice to the nurses and they will look after you!

Disgruntled patient: What an earth am I paying for the nhs for?!

More "senior" junior doctor friend: Do you want me to lie and say it will get better?
                 Me: Yes please!

FY2 + nurse: Halfadoc, go tell Mr Z that his investigation has been cancelled today so he has been nil by mouth for nothing.  Again, FY1 = everyones whipping boy/ person to be given the most disheartening tasks.

FY2: Make sure you test his anal tone.

Conversation overheard between FY2 and ortho surgeon: Lucky you having to keep testing Mr Y's anal tone.  FY2: Nah I'm getting the FY1 to do it haha.

Consultant grilling me: Come on, this is simple!

Younger patient who I have stayed several hours late for to try and ensure his treatment gets finally started that evening: Do you have kids? [No] Then you can't understand.

Lifesaver ward pharmacists: Did you mean to do x/y/z? [Always no].
Lifesaver ward pharmacists: Would you like to add x/y/z? [Always yes]

FY1 colleague on another awful-paedics ward: We've got to make sure we go to lunch together so its not so lonely and so we can discuss problems.
          Day 8: We finally go to lunch at same time but only because there is a compulsory lunchtime teaching.

Lovely senior nurse:  Here I baked some cake, have a piece.
I repeat: Be nice to the nurses and they will look after you!

Still, 10 days till pay day! Swings and roundabouts etc!  Hope thats given anyone considering medicine a realistic idea about the glamourous first days of being a junior doctor.  And to end on an appriopriate quote: 

Dr Halfadoc  x